February 27th, 2010
|02:24 pm - Pic for Kei..|
Finished it last night.. sorry for anyone not in it, this was everyone I could get ahold of last night. *_*
( Pic inside..Collapse )
Not the bestest quality, but I wanted to have it done asap!
Current Mood: hopeful
November 3rd, 2008
|07:55 am - rukusu, you Idiot.|
You finally managed to do it.. you fucking killed yourself. You were just talking to me.. you were JUST talking to me night before, talking about going to MFF. What the hell happened. I know a bunch of shit just happened with your family, you came to a LOT of realizations about yourself.. and you told me it was going to get better?
This is so messed up.. I don't even know how to feel. I am both sad and angry. I think more angry.. why the hell didn't you come to me? You always did. What the hell was going through your head.
You somehow managed to be a huge part of my life.. I don't think anyone even realizes. You did so much for me. You were there to support me when Steve was abusive, you were there when he kicked me out and the only place I had to go. I lived with you.. for a few months I lived in Clayton, NC. It was a beautiful place. The double-wide trailer, on ungodly amounts of land, in a field, surrounded by woods.. down a dirt road, off of another dirt road. It was perfect. You said I could have that.
I met you at AC 02, and talked for a while before that. You found me when I posted a picture of a tail I made on VCL, which was promptly removed. A mere window of hours, and you found me.
You took me to Las Vegas as a 21st birthday present.. TOOK ME TO VEGAS. We road-tripped once, 3,000mi in one week. We drove to MFF, then to Eau Claire, WI.. in my Buick.. that car. Goddammit, that car.. you know, I've just recently been thinking about that car the past couple of days, and wanting it back. But a lot of that fucking car reminds me of you and all the things we did together.
You were the one and only person who knew me better than ANYONE else on this planet. It was so comforting to have that. You knew what I wanted, what I was thinking, what I was going to say. And I, in turn, always knew what to say to you. We complimented other so well.. and we both knew that. We had some bizarre relationship where I was some sort of mother-figure/tutor/guardian that was perfect the way it was at the time.. if only you'd realized that then.
I have things you gave me.. gifts, and a small pile of personal stuff I was supposed to give back when you asked for it. I have art.. so much goddamn art.. of you, of us, and of things you drew. I deleted what I had off my computer. I went to tear it all out of my sketchbook, then realized it was over half the book.. what the hell do I do with it? I can't look at this stuff ever again.. you are a fool.
Those fucking pictures.. I was JUST looking through my old art last night, looking at all of those pictures. Thinking about you.. a mere half an hour or so before someone told me the news.. WHAT THE HELL.
I taught you so much. I watched you better yourself.. a lot. You were supposed to keep at it. Why didn't you come to me.. why? I'm so mad.. it just doesn't make any sense at all. You had more ambition than anyone else I've ever known.. how did it that all just come to an end? Who pushed you?
I know you were crazy.. but it wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault your mom was a drug addict and you were homeless for most of your childhood. It wasn't your fault your dad wasn't any better. I'm so sorry.
I knew it would happen some day, I just never thought it would be so soon.
Stuart Brooks Johnson, Julian Rukus Kitsura;
2.22.85 - 11.1.08;
May you rest. And if that was really the only way out.. may it be in peace.
I may add more later.
I don't really need sympathy.. like I said, I am more angry than sad. I do encourage people who knew him, though, to post with thoughts, maybe recent pictures, chat logs.. whatever.
Current Mood: somber
November 28th, 1981
|12:50 pm - HAI|
It's about time I did this. Sorreh.. only those I know really well are allowed here!
Current Mood: exclusive